Poor Donald Trump! Stuck in a job you never really wanted, just so you could win the title and the attention. Stuck in a job that’s hard, wherein everyone is up your ass and you can’t do whatever you want. You wanted it so bad that you made shady deals with shady dudes, and now they’re playing you. The Russians and Putin: That story is not going away. Steve Bannon and the Republicans in Congress are totally using you. The only people who like you are right-wing brain dead haters, and even they are starting to get suspicious.

And Dude! You picked fights with the press and the intelligence agencies- the very people who will uncover every naughty thing you’ve done. How smart was that? Not only did you pick fights with them, you insulted them. You continue to attract suspicion by protesting all the time. This is what guilty people do. Have you never watched any TV crime shows?

I hate to have to tell you this, Donald, but it’s going to get worse- much worse, because you are clearly unable to change and adapt. You’re the guy in the hole who can’t stop digging, and you’re going to die in that hole. The criticism, scrutiny and obstruction you’re getting from inside and outside the government is just getting started, and will eventually drive you out of office in humiliation. You may even end up in jail.

The solution is to get out of the hole by resigning from this job you hate so much and that will bury you. I know, I know- you hate quitting, but sometimes quitting and cutting your losses is actually winning. You know this is true from your business experience.

Consider the abundant benefits of voluntarily resigning now: You’ll be able to blame everyone! You can even sue some of them- I know you enjoy suing people. You’ll be free! You can go on all the talk shows to tell how the system is rigged and how you were screwed. Hell, you’ll probably be offered your own show on Fox! You’ll be able to say and do anything you want, just like the good old days. And the money! Donald, the money! People will pay you just to hear you complain. Doesn’t that sound like heaven?

And here’s the best reason of all to resign now: You’ll be making our country and the world a better place, because an unhappy POTUS in a big hole of trouble and danger makes for an unhappy world in a big hole of trouble and danger. Save yourself. Save the Country. Save the world. Resign now and set us all free!